Kindness is defined as the quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate. For example, your child hugging their sibling because they scraped their knee or helping mom set the table for dinner are actions that represent kindness.
Receiving and doing acts of kindness feel good! Various studies have shown that experiencing kindness has positive benefits for children, such as:
boosting happiness and positivity.
providing a greater sense of belonging and purpose.
improving self-esteem and confidence.
helping develop social and emotional skills.
encouraging greater critical-thinking skills.
promoting better physical and mental health.
The effects of kindness help set our children up for success and happiness, as they witness the positive impact of their actions towards others, while also cultivating compassion for themselves.
Kindness begins at home
Parents want to raise children who are kind, compassionate, respectful and generous. The reality is that this is easier said than done. As with many aspects of parenting, what we DO instead of what we SAY has the most impact on our children.
Never underestimate the power of your words and actions. Your children pay attention to the way you treat others. Be aware of your tone and actions towards your friends, neighbors, the cashier at the market, and the homeless man at the park. Be mindful of how you treat your partner as well as your children.
Sometimes it is easier for us to teach kindness, by seeing the world through our children’s eyes and consistently modeling these positive behaviors. Many parents discipline with kindness, by looking for the cause of a child’s immature or inappropriate behavior rather than shaming, yelling or punishing them.
Instilling good habits
You can encourage kids to show kindness by helping instill good habits, such as using manners, expressing gratitude, and showing appreciation. Explain that being grateful is noticing something in your life that makes you happy. For example, “I’m grateful that it’s sunny today because it was raining yesterday.”
Show appreciation to your children by thanking them for helping you clear the table or remembering to brush their teeth before going to bed. For nonverbal children, you can encourage them through interactions like clapping or high-fiving. By doing this, your children will feel acknowledged and valued, reinforcing their sense of self-worth and fostering a positive self-image. This, in turn, promotes confidence, resilience, as well as a healthy attitude towards themselves and others.
Encourage your children to perform acts of kindness on a regular basis. For example, ensure you wave at your elderly neighbor every morning as we walk to the park, donate your old toys to a charity, supply canned foods to the local food bank, or volunteer your time at an animal shelter. These powerful habits will help develop your children into thoughtful and compassionate individuals.
Identifying emotions
Find opportunities for your children to identify and understand their own emotions. For example, create a “feelings chart”. What does it look like to be happy? What does it look like to be sad? By recognizing and acknowledging their feelings, efforts, and accomplishments, you are helping them to also identify and understand emotions in others.
As children can identify someone else’s emotions and understand why they are feeling that way, they can also begin to understand how their actions (like deciding whether or not to share) can affect others. For instance: How does it feel when someone is kind to you? How can you be kind to your sibling or neighbor? Why is your little sister crying? Is it because she is tired, frustrated, hungry or hurt? What can you do to make her feel better? This approach cultivates empathy, compassion, and healthy emotional expressions.
Explore picture books or read age-appropriate stories with your children. These are a good starting point for discussions about what kindness means to them. For younger children, books like ABCs of Kindness (for ages 1-4) or Kindness Makes the World Go Round (for ages 1-3) are good places to start. For older children, books like You, Me, and Empathy (for ages 4-8) provide more specific scenarios that the main character experiences and allows parents to have a more meaningful conversation about what compassion and kindness mean to them. As you read, you can ask open-ended questions like, “How do you think he feels sitting by himself?” or “Wow, I see someone helping his friend out. How would you help out your friend?” “What feelings can you spot on this page?”
As parents, we hold the power to shape the future generation by instilling values of kindness, compassion, respect, and generosity in our children. Let’s take on this responsibility with intention and purpose, inspiring our little ones to become the change-makers the world needs.